


Missing Pieces

by Writer_Geekgirl



Series: Castiel and Dean: An AU Love Story [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Angst, Castiel (Supernatural) Deserves Better, Drug Use, Episode: s05e04 The End, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 20:40:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16271951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Geekgirl/pseuds/Writer_Geekgirl
Summary: In the ongoing series in which the Winchesters visit alternate realities, Sam and Dean find themselves in a post-apocalyptic world with the endverse Castiel. Sam and Dean help a despondent Castiel find a new purpose after he's lost everything and everyone.This work is part of the Destiel Promptober in which there is a different AU theme for each day in October. The AU for the day is Endverse.





	Missing Pieces

Dean and Sam staggered into the hotel room after taking out a vampire nest. Both were covered in blood, mostly not their own. They had a few scrapes and gashes but considering they had taken out a nest of eight vamps, they both considered it a win.

Dean told Sam to go take his shower first. Dean stripped out of his clothes down to his boxers and wiped himself off as best he could with his dirty shirt. He pulled out his phone and called Castiel.

Castiel sounded tired as he answered, "Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas. We wrapped up here. We'll head out in the morning. Where you at?"

"Just leaving Topeka, I was going to head your way in a few minutes."

"Nah, just stay in Topeka. No sense driving here when we're going in that direction tomorrow. You'd get here just in time to watch us snore. Why don't you relax and go watch a movie or something? After we get our four hours, we'll catch up to you." Dean didn't know why Castiel was tired, but it worried him. Castiel had been driving himself hard the last few months, taking on any hunt he could. 

Castiel replied, "It would be nice to be out of the car for a while. The lead I was following didn't pan out. So, I'm planning to just hunt with you and Sam for a while. If that's ok."

Dean smiled, elated. "That's more than ok, buddy. That's awesome." He said softly, "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Dean. I'll just wait here then and see you tomorrow." He paused before adding softly, "It gets very lonely now without you. And Sam, of course. It bothers me a lot more than it used to. When I'm not with you, it feels like a part is missing."

"Yeah, me too. Maybe, we should just stick together more. We'll go out for burgers tomorrow night."

Castiel said, "As you wish. Good night, Dean."

Sam emerged from the bathroom. "How's Cas?"

Dean raised an eyebrow, "How'd you know it was Cas?"

Sam snorted, "No one else makes you that dewy-eyed."

Dean threw his wadded-up shirt at Sam and then went to take his own shower. Sam was already snoring by the time he got out of the bathroom. As much as he loved his moose brother, Dean also felt lonelier when Castiel was away. He wished he knew what Castiel was up to because it never turned out well when Castiel was secretive. Dean worried about Castiel until he drifted off to sleep. 

\------

He woke up to Sam shaking him, "Dean. Wake up. Something's wrong."

Dean opened his eyes and glanced around. They had fallen asleep in a somewhat clean run-down hotel. Now, the walls were partially collapsed and there was a layer of dirt and debris everywhere. Dean shuddered because the room strongly reminded him of the hotel that he had woken up in after Zachariah sent him to the future. The future in which Lucifer used Sam as a meatsuit, future Dean was borderline psychotic, and Castiel was human and addicted to amphetamines. 

Dean uttered, "We got to get out of here, Sam. We're surrounded by Croates."

"What?"

"Croates. Croatoan. Zombies that eat people. Remember them. I've been here before. Back in 2009, when we were separated, Zachariah sent me here to try to convince me to say yes to Michael. Now, shut up, and follow me."

Dean led Sam quickly to the containment fence, managing to avoid any Croatoans. He found a weak spot they could pull apart and slide out. Dean hotwired an abandoned car and the pair soon headed towards Camp Chitaqua. 

After they were on the road for a half hour, Dean finally felt calm enough to explain. "Okay, Sam. I don't think I told you much at the time. We weren't big on the whole talking thing right about then. I went to this camp, and future me and Cas were there. I was a prick. Cas was on drugs. I was so gung-ho on killing Lucifer, I fed Cas to a meat grinder to take a shot at Lucifer with the Colt, which, as we know, doesn't work. Cas got killed by demons; I got killed by Lucifer. Zachariah pulled real me back to my reality. Now, I don't know if we were sent back before all that shit went down or after. So, we approach the camp carefully."

"Why didn't you ever tell me about this?" 

"Honestly, at the time, I didn't want you to know you had said yes to Lucifer. I wanted you to have enough faith to keep going at that point. Also, things were complicated with Cas there. He had fallen so far because he had chosen Dean."

"Did you ever tell Cas about this?

"No, Sam. It's really why I tried to avoid telling Cas or even acknowledging to myself how much I cared about him. I didn't want Cas to end up like that. He was so broken, Sam. And, it was my, or at least future me's, fault." Dean trailed off, staring at the road ahead.

When they got to the camp, Dean parked a safe distance away, and they approached the camp slowly. Dean turned around in dismay. No one was there that he could see. It didn't look like anything came in and massacred the civilians. Instead, it looked like the people abandoned the place. Dean looked at Sam, "I don't know. I don't know why we're here. Cas is obviously dead."

A gravelly voice came from behind one of the buildings, "I am? Well fuck, I wish someone had told me that." A rumpled and dirty Castiel was standing there, staring at Dean. "You're not my Dean, because Lucifer broke his neck. But you're not past Dean either--you are older than my Dean was when he died. You must have changed things in your reality and Sam isn't Lucifer. Good for you. I knew I liked past you. Excuse me."

Castiel wandered off muttering to himself that he needed some pills. Sam stared at Dean, "What the hell?"

"I know, right? Hold on."

Dean trotted after Castiel. "Cas, wait up."

Castiel turned around and squinted at him. "Yes? I can't send you back or forward or whatever direction you need to go. I'm still not an angel. So, sorry to disappoint."

"How did you get out of that building, Cas? Dean sent you into a trap."

"Seems I had enough angel left in me not to die. Oh, I was on pain on the floor of the building for a long time. No one bothered with me. I finally healed up enough to come back here. By that time the civilians went somewhere, I don't know where. Figured Chuck went to find them a new place to squat when the fearless leader didn’t come back. I tried jumping off a cliff, that didn't kill me. I tried not eating, but that just made me feel even more miserable. I was tempted to try to douse myself with gasoline and catch myself on fire, but the pain for that one seems a bit daunting if I unfortunately survived. Say, do you have an angel blade I could borrow? The demon knife might do with me in this weakened state. We could try." Castiel looked at him hopefully.

Sam blurted out, "Why are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Why indeed? I was never particularly good at dying. Raphael blew me up and I came right back. If you don't have an angel blade, I'm just going to go get my pills. Ok? Thank you." Castiel breezed off into his cabin.

Dean said, "He's a couple of cans short of a six-pack, Sammy. What are we supposed to do with that?"

"I don't know, Dean. We can't leave him this way."

"Let's try again." Dean walked up a couple of stairs to Castiel's door and walked in. Castiel was sitting in a yoga position in the middle of the floor. He peered up at Dean. "Still not my Dean. Sam is still not Lucifer."

"Cas, what can we do to help?"

Castiel stared at Dean intently, "Find me an angel blade."

"I can't do that, buddy."

"Can't or won't?"

Dean said, "Won't. I can't. Why do you want to die?"

"I gave up everything for you. I rebelled. I did it all for you. And then you were gone. You were gone, and you didn't even say goodbye. Oh, I still would have willingly gone into the trap for you to distract Lucifer. All you had to do was ask. I would have done anything for you. But you could have fucking said goodbye. I have nothing except a long, lonely life ahead of me. I could go attack Lucifer. Now that's a thought. Lucifer would probably kill me just on principle." Castiel smiled at him.

Sam said, "Lucifer is still here?"

Castiel scrunched his face, "I think he's trying to figure a way to scratch his way into Heaven. But, they locked it up pretty tight. If he'd managed to pop it open, I'd be hearing angel radio and maybe getting some grace back. But, there's nothing. Not even static. Do you know how weird it is for someone that is billions of years old to suddenly be in a complete void of silence?"

Sam looked at Dean, "Do you think it's possible we're here to kill Lucifer?"

Castiel interrupted, "That genie has already escaped from the bottle and murdered the earth. It would be kind of useless to kill him now. There's probably a few hundred thousand people left or so. I mean, I'd imagine. I haven't seen any for about five years. I go into cities to look for pills sometimes and I don't even see many Croates anymore. Maybe, they all ate each other." He looked thoughtful, "If Croates ate me, maybe I wouldn't come back to life. I haven't tried that yet."

Dean snapped, "You're not killing yourself."

Castiel moved off the ground in one fluid movement, "You have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do. I gave my Dean that right. You do not have it. Now, go away and leave me at peace."

"I want to help you."

"I do not want, nor do I need, your help," Castiel bellowed belligerently. 

Sam put a hand on Castiel's shoulder, "Cas, we just want…"

Castiel pulled back a fist and punched Sam in the face. Sam fell backward on to his back. Castiel growled, "You are an abomination. You said yes to Lucifer. I put my trust in you because Dean asked me to. And then you said yes. Don't touch me."

Dean jumped in front of Castiel, "Hey, my Sam trapped Lucifer in the pit. He saved the world from him. We didn't have the apocalypse."

Castiel looked at Dean as if he wanted to smite him. Instead, he turned around, opened a bottle of pills and took a handful. "Well, good for you."

Dean said softly, "Let me help."

"You can't. I wanted to die with him. All we had was each other. I just wanted to bang a few gongs before the lights went out. But the lights won't fucking go out." Castiel walked over and sat on the stairs.

Dean turned to help Sam stand up. "You ok, Sam?"

"Yeah, he pulled his punch. He never saw me try to redeem myself after letting Lucifer out of the cage. It's no wonder he hates me."

Castiel said tiredly, "I don't hate you. You were just a pawn that the archangels used to play God. We all were. I was the worse of them all. I started it. They used me to pull the righteous man out of hell. They used me to run you all in circles trying to stop seals from breaking, and it was all one long con." He tilted his head for a moment as if listening to imaginary sounds. He looked between the two of them intently. "Are you two hungry? There are some cans of beans I can heat up."

"After everything I've done for you, you'd do that?" Dean stared at Castiel.

"You're still Dean. Probably a better Dean than mine."

Dean shook his head. "If that had been my Sam, I probably would have been just as screwed up in the head. But you knocked some sense in my head when I was going to say yes to Michael, and my Sam figured out a plan to trap Lucifer in the cage."

Castiel stood up. "I'll go get us food. Make yourself comfortable. Just… Don't touch the drugs, they'd probably kill you. This last batch is horse tranquilizers."

After Castiel left, Dean looked hopelessly at Sam. "What do we do? I don't know how to Kobayashi Maru myself out of this."

Sam said slowly, "I don't know."

"I'll be back." Dean left the cabin and walked over to where the dilapidated Impala remained. He ran his hand up her rusted frame sadly, before leaning against it dejectedly.

Looking up at the sky, he said, "Come on, God. You've screwed over this Castiel every which way. Even worse than mine. You got to have something better for him than this. Anything?"

Castiel's quiet voice said from behind him, "God left the building a long time ago. Nobody has seen him in a very long time."

Dean froze. He asked urgently, "Where's Chuck? Any ideas?"

Castiel handed Dean a can of beans and a fork before taking a bite of his own. "I don't know. Lebanon, Kansas, is a possibility. He talked about something being there that Dean should get. Dean always brushed him off. It seemed to irritate Chuck."

"Grab your shit, Cas. We need to get there."

Castiel gave him a wry smile, "I assure you, Dean. Being alone here I still have an abundant supply of toilet paper."

\--------------------------

After getting Sam and Castiel back in the truck, Dean drove as quickly as he could to the bunker. Dean didn't tell Castiel or Sam what his plan was. He drove straight through, not taking any breaks except to siphon gas when needed and grab some can goods from an abandoned store. 

When he arrived at the bunker, Dean unlocked the door while Castiel looked at him questioningly. "What's this place? It feels odd."

"Where I'm from, it's home."

Dean climbed the stairs into the map table to find Chuck sitting in a chair with his feet up on the table in his boxers and a robe, eating pancakes. Chuck looked at him. "Hi, Dean. Sam. Cas."

Castiel looked at him confused, "Chuck?"

"Cas, meet God. Chuck, you already know Cas."

Castiel looked blankly at Dean. "Dean, if he was God I would know it."

Dean looked at him, "Did you get your Dean's amulet when he died?"

Castiel pulled it out from under his shirt. He wore it hidden under his clothes.

Dean said, "Chuck?"

Chuck sighed, "Fine." He held his hand towards the amulet a moment and it started to glow.

Castiel went perfectly still. He then grabbed Chuck by the lapels of the robe and pulled him out of the chair in one fluid motion. "You were there the whole time, you son of a bitch, and you did nothing to help."

"I did help. I provided toilet paper. Cas, it was all you guys' moves. I just was watching."

"Billions of people died," Castiel snarled. "Your creations. Your works of art. And you did nothing."

Dean said, "Pretty much the same reaction I had when I found out Chuck was God."

"What would you have me do?" Chuck asked.

Castiel growled, "Defeat Lucifer and open Heaven back up. Help me save the rest of humanity."

Chuck protested, "I locked Lucifer up once, and these guys let him out. It's not on me."

Sam interrupted, "It's all on you, Chuck. You laid the groundwork for all of this."

"And you guys kept derailing it. My way only about half the people would have died. You guys caused much more destruction. You're the ones that tore up the rule book and threw it away."

Dean said, "There are still a few humans. It's not too late. You can defeat Lucifer and save the world."

Chuck looked thoughtful, "I do miss takeout." Chuck laid his hand on Castiel's forehead and a blue pulse enveloped him. After he was finished, he said, "You're a Seraph again, Castiel."

"You'll help me defeat Lucifer?" Castiel looked between the Winchesters and Chuck.

"I don't think so, Cas. Something's been yanking me and Sam from reality to reality and I think we'll be sent home," Sam said.

Dean narrowed his eyes and looked at Chuck, "Are you doing the one moving us between realities? Or some version of you?"

Chuck responded, "There's only one me. I just have bits and pieces of me in all of the realities to see how things are going. I'm not the one doing this to you. When I have a message to give you, I usually cause a global flood or burn a bush. I'll help Cas though with Lucifer. Not that I think I should have to help since I'm not the one that let Lucifer out, but I'll do it because you know, he tried to save the world. That's one thing I'll say about all iterations of Cas - he tries really hard."

Dean said, "Too much heart was always his problem. Cas, can I talk to you alone a minute?" Dean pulled Castiel into one of the bedrooms. "I can't bring your me back to you. I'm kind of not sad that I can't because he didn't deserve you. You're not going to off yourself, now, are you? If I am pulled back to my reality, will you ok?"

"I was missing pieces before, Dean. Now, I have a purpose and mission again. I want to defeat Lucifer. And Dean, it wasn't about deserving. It never was. It was about faith. Maybe, my faith was misplaced or maybe my Dean just lost his. We both lost faith in Sam. I don't know how it all went wrong, but we all lost our way. Don't lose your faith in Sam and your me. If you keep that faith, you will be saved."

Dean pulled Castiel in close and hugged him. "Punch the devil in the face for me." He rested his forehead against Castiel's with his arms draped around his shoulders.

"Did you punch your Lucifer?" 

Dean smiled, "I ganked him with an archangel blade. Things went south after that for a bit, but it all got better. And Cas, maybe he never said it, but he loved you. I'm like 4 years in the future from you two and I barely have the balls to say it to my Cas."

Castiel scrunched his eyes as he tilted his head, "I loved Dean. And other me loves you. Park bench -- when I told you not to tell another soul what I was going to say. I was going to tell you I loved you, but I changed it to talk about the children being works of art. I do miss my Dean, and I don't know what to do without him. But, I'll kick Lucifer in the ass for him. Who knows, now that I'm a seraph again, maybe I'll figure out a way to pull him out of Hell or Heaven or at least visit him."

Dean said sadly, "I wish I could stay to help you defeat him. It always felt like unfinished business."

Castiel blinked ad Dean, "You're started to emit blue sparks of energy, Dean. I do not think you can see them. I think you are leaving. Take care of yourself."

"I have faith in you, Cas."

The room shimmered as Dean felt the familiar wave of dizziness and he fell to his knees. When his vision cleared, he and Sam were back in the hotel room as it was before they traveled to the apocalypse reality. 

Sam glared at Dean, "Never leave me with Chuck in his boxers and robe again. Like ever!"

"Sam, I know we didn't get much sleep, but can we drive to Topeka?"

\--------------------------

It was about six in the morning when Dean knocked on Castiel's hotel room. Castiel opened up the door in surprise. He was still wearing his slacks and shirt, but the sleeves were rolled up and his trench coat and jacket were hanging over the back of a hair. "Dean, is something the matter? Where's Sam?"

"He got his own hotel room. We're fine. I just… missed you." Dean stepped into the room, Castiel backed up to give him room. Dean pushed Castiel against a wall and started to kiss him passionately. Castiel responded. They finally broke apart after a few minutes breathless. 

Castiel smiled and said, "Well, hello, Dean."

"Cas, remember all those years ago when I told you to never change?"

"The night Zachariah found you."

"Well, you didn't listen to me and you changed," Dean ran his fingers through Castiel's hair to mess it up even more. "And was all for the better."

"Except for the God complex, Leviathan thing. The letting Lucifer in thing was pretty bad too," Castiel said dryly.

"You once told me I did stupid things for the right reason and that's all that matters. Well, that's you too. We're both a couple of dumb asses."

"I prefer the term smart ass. There's a Dr. Sexy marathon on TNT that I was watching before you knocked. The next episode is where Dr. Sexy talks to Dr. Piccolo about his fascination with Dr. Charles the cardiologist who is actually Dr. Smith's brother's twin."

Dean smiled as Castiel continued to summarize the last five hours of Dr. Sexy he had watched. They crawled into the bed together and Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean, as they watched the show. Dean fell asleep after a few minutes. Castiel smiled as he pulled the blanket over Dean and kissed his forehead. His missing part wasn't missing anymore.


End file.
